Moving with Kids

Moving is fun, but you might say otherwise if you are moving with kids!

So many families move, even in the middle of the pandemic. Last year alone, our team helped over two-hundred families move. It is pretty evident though that moving with kids can be intense.

We invited Donna Gage, one of our past clients who runs Bloom Art Therapy. She does art therapy and counselling for kids, teens and families. If you plan on moving with your children, Donna shares three crucial points that you have to keep in mind to help understand and manage your child’s emotions.

Moving with Little Children

When it comes to moving, there is no such thing as the best or worst age to transition to a new house. Every child has a personality and temperament, which affects how they respond to changes.

Donna experienced moving at an early age when her family moved to a different city when she was a child. As a teenager, she moved to Canada from another country. As an adult, she also moved to other cities throughout significant moments of her life.

Moving with babies or toddlers can be less stressful as they are still very young to have deeply rooted relationships within the community, which are hard to leave behind.

Building Resiliency

Some children often move because of different circumstances, like being in a military family. Children who experience moving often may struggle in keeping relationships, especially if they have moved far away. But with the right resiliency skills, they can withstand the changes and stride well.

Moving is a wonderful opportunity for kids to build resilience because it is stressful. There is so much unpredictability and uncertainty that comes with it. If a child experiences moving early on and their parents model how to handle it well, that can set them up for success later in life.

Confidence and resiliency usually co-exist. Resiliency comes a lot from children who have confidence in themselves and are fully convinced that their parents have confidence in them.
Sometimes when kids deal with difficult things and Donna counsels them, very often, kids believe they can handle circumstances, but they doubt if their parents feel the same way.

Parents need to assure their kids that they believe in them and are confident that they can handle difficult situations. It is innate for every parent to protect their child but sometimes, when we don't allow children to feel struggles, hurt, or have any challenges, that sends a message that they do not believe they can do it or their parents don't believe in them.

Managing Childhood Anxiety

It is natural for little ones to get anxious about moving because they have so many questions running through their minds. They wonder what if the moving truck doesn't come on time, what if my favourite toys get lost, what if nobody at my new school likes me?

Thinking that answering all these questions will make them settle down and relax is not right. Doing that will cause young minds to believe that they need validation from an outside source, such as either parent, to say that things will be okay, instead of relying on their own.

Feeling anxious or worried is natural, and it is not bad. It is great that kids nowadays have some language to identify their emotions and be more self-aware. Everyone needs to recognize what is happening in their bodies and read what their bodies are doing in response to anxiety.

Unlike before, people are now more comfortable talking about mental health, especially in kids and teens. But sometimes, the struggle is that individuals tend to grab on to these labels because it gives them security, but it doesn't change their experience of those feelings.

Teaching children to recognize and accept their feelings of discomfort is just the first step. The next step is teaching them how to deal with their emotions. Donna lets kids draw their worry or anxiety and learn to be friends with them. Sometimes, they also make figures out of clay and give them a name.

Donna and her team also teach parents to use age-appropriate language to talk to their children, especially when preparing for a move. Parents should impart to the kids that even though anxious thoughts might come, they don’t have to dictate how children handle things. They can even talk to their worries and make them go away. Kids can claim power over their feelings.

Talking to Children Before a Move

Parents, when you talk to your children before a move, make sure you are not over reassuring them. Have honest conversations about what they can expect. It is important to lay the foundation with kids by saying that you will have mixed feelings about moving, but all your feelings are valid and okay.

“There will be moments you will feel excited, and there will be times you will get scared. All those feelings are okay, and I'm here if you want to talk about it. I believe you will be okay, and you can handle this. Moving is bumpy, but we can take it one step at a time.” It is all about conveying confidence to them.

Checking on Your Own Stress Level

Building resilience among children comes from parents modelling healthy coping for kids. Donna advises parents to think out loud as they process their own emotions. You can say things like the move is making you feel stressed, so you need a few minutes to take some deep breaths, then you will be okay.

Children find comfort seeing that even adults can have anxious feelings too. Instead of hiding your stress, let your kids see that you can cope with it in a healthy way.

Modelling Healthy Coping

The best way to model healthy coping is through verbalizing your thought processes in an age-appropriate manner as your child watches you. For example, if you are stuck in traffic, running late for an appointment, and you have your kids in the car, you can say, “we are going to be late. I don't like being late. I'm going to take some deep breaths right now. I will focus on driving, and we will be there when we get there.”

It will be beneficial for children to see their parents verbalize tolerance for uncertainty. Every person wants to know what will happen, especially kids, but nobody has all the answers. As a parent, you can reassure your child that though it is nice to know it all, you can take one step at a time and figure things out as you go along.

If you have questions about moving with kids, you can reach out to Donna Gage on their website, www.bloomarttherapy.com. And if you have any questions about your next real estate move, you can send us an email at info@chamberlaingroup.ca.